


Building Walls Around Your Heart

by inkpink



Category: Homestuck
Genre: "Dead Fish Eyes", April Fools' Day 2016, Crack, Fluff, I Don't Know What You're Expecting But It's a Wild Ride, M/M, Rare Pairings, alcohol mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 14:42:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6428284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkpink/pseuds/inkpink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan returns to one of his fondest dreambubbles: the one with Donald Trump sitting in a pile of money.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Building Walls Around Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Happy April Fools' Day!

Eridan’s bladder based aquatic vascular system pulsed with anxiety as his eyes adjusted to a familiar scene. There was the velvet couch, there was the crystal decanter half-filled with Scotch...but where was Trump?

“Donald?” he whispered into the semi-darkness, the only light in the room coming from a smouldering fireplace far to his right.

“Right here,” called a voice.

Ah, yes. How silly of him not to glance there first. Donald often liked to wait for Eridan in the pile of human currency in the corner.

“All those pictures a’ Human Ben Franklin contrast really nicely with your skin tone,” Eridan admitted shyly. Donald blushed a blush so kawaii that dozens of tiny anime girls dropped dead out of despair and jealousy.

“D-Do you really think so, Eridan-senpai?” he squealed, delight clear in his dead fish eyes.

“I would never call you a baka,” Eridan vowed. “Your uncontrollable need for blatant racism just makes me feel so at home! I can really be myself around you, Don.”

Donald suddenly bolted upright.

“Don’t call me Don.”

“What? Why?” Eridan’s expression of shock was met with a coy smile and a beckoning finger. Oh. _Oh._

“You know I prefer to be called snugglemuffin.”

Eridan went Donald’s favorite color - white.

“I thought that was only supposed to be used in…” his voice lowered “Private situations.”

“Eridan, I’m a figment of your imagination in a place that doesn’t exist. Besides, I’m worth 4 billion dollars! You are in no place to object.”

Eridan’s eyebrows loosened from their tense knit and began to do the samba.

“Whatever you say, snugglemuffin.” He climbed into Donald’s big, cushy, billionaire arms. They were a familiar haven from the insanity of being dead as shit.

“Oh, Eridan,” breathed Donald, straightening his toupee and sighing softly. “Tell me about genocide one more time.”

“No Donald, it could never measure up to your tales a’ conquerin’ the USA. The only thing I have over you is that my hair is real!”

Donald made a tutting sound.

“Eridan, you know I love you more than a good business deal. You’re like a tall glass of water, a small loan of a million dollars. You build me up like a giant wall on the U.S.-Mexico border.”

Eridan blinked lilac tears out of his eyes and let out a great sniff.

“Really, Donald? Do I really mean that much to you?”

“You’re worth ten Melanias. And Marlas. And Ivanas. The last time something was this dear to me, I invested it in The Trump Organization and made a fortune.”

“Oh, _Donald_ ,” Eridan wept, clearly too overcome with emotion to speak. “Are you talkin’ about money again? You _know_ how I like it when you talk about money.

Donald made that face. You know the one.

Eridan wiped his own disgustingly snotty face on the end of his scarf.

“D’you really think it could work? You ‘n me?” he snorfed.

Donald gazed lovingly into the angsty young seadweller’s eyes.

“If there’s one thing I have to say about this relationship, it’s this: It’s gonna be **_huuuuuge_ **!”

**Author's Note:**

> Feel the Bern 2k16
> 
> If you enjoyed this, I encourage you to check out SeahorseTrash's Sollux/Cruz fic, The Zodiac Lover. Words cannot encapsulate its brilliance.


End file.
